I come day after day and sit numbly at this screen, between saving kids from certain death and answering the doorbell, and wonder, what’s so pressing that I have to write about it here? Is this just a habit, or do I really have something to say? I’ve written twelve posts attempting to get that numbness out of my system and they sit unpublished in my queue. And I can’t make them happen. They are all being deleted today.
I’ve been blogging at this site for four years.
Four years of logging thoughts and memories, and a random recipe or two. My kids and that sexy man I love are plastered all over it’s walls, and I suppose I could keep those stories of our little life coming for as long as I live. But life is changing. My kids are getting older. My time is being used up with other *good* things. And somehow “We took a vacation”, “a kid potty-trained”, and “the dog was lost for a day” just don’t inspire me to write.
Yet, I want to write more than ever before. Life passes by in a breath (my kids don’t get it when I say that), and I desperately want to share something that matters…not just for me, but for others. Words worth writing AND reading.
But the stirrings in my heart aren’t very “safe”. They are subjects of faith and courage, heartache and struggle. That’s why I haven’t gone there very often on this blog. It’s safer to just tell memories and silly things kids and mama’s do and leave matters of the heart to poets and professionals.
Maybe it’s because I turn 35 this January, but I want to stop hiding behind expectations and live brave. I want to be genuinely transparent and always of good courage, testifying to God’s work in my heart on this particular corner where I write for other’s to see. Mostly, I want to live to be pleasing to God, because He’s the only One I will stand before when this single life I’ve been given is used up. I’d like Him to say it was lived well. Well-written even.
I don’t know exactly what that means for this little blog, but I’m ready to see where God leads, and if you read here, I guess you’ll get to see too. 🙂
“Perfect love casts out fear.” 1 John 4:18