It was one of THOSE mornings…
I got up, irritated.
Woke children – wait! Nevermind. They woke me way early, and all through the night. Thus my predicament. Anyway…
Put breakfast on the table, begrudgingly.
Called my family to the table, harshly…..Scolded a few for petty things while I was at it…
Cleaned up spilled milk, angrily.
Cleared the table, in a huff.
Ran around and barked orders for kids to hurry up, un-gently.
Changed diapers, dressed toddlers, threw together the last of my sanity, bitterly.
And, got in my car for a long drive to do the weekly errands, irritatedly.
Oh Boy!! It was not a pretty sight – I was not a pretty sight, despite my time in front of the mirror that morning.
To say I was having a bad day was an understatement. I was having a why-do-I-even-exist kind of day, letting my tired, cranky, frayed emotions run the show – and I hated every second of the act.
As I drove off, with the littles in the back seat whining about the toys they’d dropped and couldn’t reach anymore, I just had to blow off some steam.
I don’t like how I feel. I don’t like treating my favorite people this way.
I don’t like nights without sleep, the mess I have waiting for me when I come home, or the long day of errands I have ahead of me.
I don’t like making a hostile environment in my home/car.
I don’t like where my heart is.
I DON’T LIKE MY ATTITUDE!!!!
But I have so many excuses to leave it nasty!!! I mean, I have children, hormones, Murphy’s Law, and have I mentioned the lack of sleep?
I need help!”
And…I didn’t feel better – at that precise moment, my three-year old dropped a water bottle onto the back seat, and I watched as first it splattered his sister (now she’s crying) and then landed in a spot where it started to spill. But I had no place to pull over, so it just kept spilling. I lost it! AHHH! This wasn’t the help I was thinking of. “GOD?!”
I turned on the radio, cause that always helps, right?
There on the other side of my dash was a woman speaking about Jesus. How He came to serve, and NOT to be served.
I wasn’t expecting to hear that at that very second.
Jesus, sacrificially GAVE of Himself, even while those He served fought over their own importance.
Even while they rolled their eyes and told Him he was out to lunch.
Even while they made messes of his words and couldn’t stay awake when He needed their attentiveness.
He was ignored, despised, rejected.
Yet, without complaint, with no consideration for appearances –
With His enemies breathing down His neck, plotting His demise –
The wind left my sails. My heart melted. My day wasn’t bad because everyone and everything was out to get me – though I’d certainly made that the scenario in my heart. I was grumpy because I wanted to have everyone do things my way! I wanted to BE served.
“In my trouble, I cried to the LORD, and He answered me.”
I turned over my bad attitude and my bitterness; the harshness that was giving me a headache and the irritation that was driving me crazy.
He took them, and in their place gave me peace for a busy day, laughter for those childish mess-ups my kids are so good at, and eyes to see the beauty in the day He had made.
I was renewed in that moment to love and SERVE again …just in time for an emergency potty break on the side of the road for a certain three year old. 😉
Thank You, Father for forgiveness and grace. Thank You for letting this mama begin anew, again and again!